Fantasizing is a process of developing or creating imaginative and frequently fantastic scenarios, views or ideas. Most people have shame when it comes to their fantasies, it is very rare to find peace who fully embrace who they are and what they like. They tend to think like, What’s wrong with me am I normal?, Is this even normal?, Is it even okay to fantasize. All the guilt and shame associated with fantasies don’t help. The truth is who you are and what you love and your kinks are your kinks and that’s completely fine.
The very first step is to come to terms with what you like without judging yourself. If you can’t do that for yourself it is going to be difficult to ask someone else to welcome you will full acceptance when it comes to your fantasy. So its always starts with your inner work and being okay with who you are.
When it comes to whether your fantasies can harm or help your relationship it really depends on how you use them. Some people use fantasies as a way to bridge their relationship. That is to create a connection with their partner. Where they get to explore and be creative together. While some may use their fantasies to create distance with their partner and that’s were it become more harmful for your relationship.
So while you are fantasizing you are not necessarily sharing your fantasies with your partners and you are lost on what is called fantasy island. Your partner can feel it that you are not very present with them, they can’t fully reach you. When you are using the fantasy to get yourself turned on your mood but you are not sharing that with your partner that’s when you are creating distance with them.
Fantasies can really help you explore your relationship, but expecting your partner to accept them or act according to them would create problem. Fantasizing moderately can surely help but it’s shouldn’t be maladaptive daydreaming.