How to stop being a people pleaser but still be nice

Being a people-pleaser is officially defined as:

“someone who feels the need to satisfy others emotionally, frequently at the expense of his or her own wants or desires”.

Simply described, a people-pleaser is someone who craves other people’s praise and is wary of disagreement and rejection.

Even if it is hazardous to their own well-being, a chronic people-pleaser will go out of their way to make other people happy. For instance, they could sacrifice family time, compromise their morals, or stretch their meager resources to appease others.

As you continually give of yourself without receiving anything in return, trying to please everyone may be a stressful and draining cycle.

1. No Is Not a Curse Word.

Saying no when you’re a people-pleaser is challenging, if not almost impossible. You don’t want to offend anyone’s sensibilities because you worry that they could become angry or reject you.

Yet learning to say “no” confidently is a crucial first step in breaking a habit of appeasing others. Recall that the word “No” is not a swear word.

2. Healthy Boundaries Are Like Bodyguards.

Although it’s not always simple, using assertiveness when required shows people that you appreciate and care about yourself and your requirements. Ultimately, you have to show other people how to treat you.

To quit being a persistent people-pleaser, it is imperative to establish clear personal limits.

Yet, if you find setting up sound boundaries in a relationship difficult, this might have many unfavorable effects.

Loose boundaries cause burnout and a loss of identity.
They result in broken relationships.
Higher degrees of hate are also a result of loose boundaries.

3. Affirm Your Love For Yourself.

Being kind to and loving oneself on purpose can help overcome the tendency of pleasing other people while also being a potent confidence booster.

Dr. Neff’s extensive study has conclusively shown that developing self-compassion and being nice to ourselves increases our well-being.

People-pleasing is centered on meeting someone else’s desires and being hungry for their acceptance. That is essentially the antithesis of loving oneself.